Prequel #Kissing Goodbye # TREASURE # HOLDING ON TO MOMENTS

I believe there is nothing called fictions, because everything ever written has a tinge of personal experiences and journey one has taken on.


It all started in the year 2006, the third year of my engineering. I still remember the date; it was my last exam for the 6th semester 6/6/2006. The same day, we had campus first round for a company called UST Global. We wrote the test, results came out at 4 am that night and I got the news of I was shortlisted for the interview. The next day I was filled with Anxiety, because I was never a bright student. I always studies at the last moment and liked to play around. By average was only around 75% , and that is considered to be below average in my family because all my cousins including my little sister were always in the range of 90+. I always used to have argument with my mom and I used to tell her, that grades are not important but getting a job is. So it was about proving my point.

We had a round of group discussion that I passed, and then was the PI. I still remember, I was the 5th candidate in line. All the previous people who went ahead of me took around 1 hour to complete the interview. This put me under pressure, because I knew nothing about IT. Then my turn came and the interview got over less than 2 minutes. The interviewer said thank you and showed me the way out. I was tensed thinking how can this happen. Why only 2 minutes. And later when the results came out I was placed J… That was a great moment. I called up my mom and said, I have got the job and there is still a year of engineering left to go… So I proved my point.


Those days, yahoo messenger was a great deal, they had a lot of chatrooms. I was specifically interested in playing pool on yahoo game room. I must say I was pretty good at that and had a good ranking in the ranking. So I got an invite from the user called the “Devils eyes”. And started playing the game, I lost the first game. I was so mad because I was winning the last 20 games I played with random opponent. Then the next day again I got the invite from the same person and I won it this time… It was like a competition, the same user use to be there online, whenever I logged in. SO we started playing day games quite frequently and used to win and lose.


Then I was not able to go online to play , since we had our internal exams coming up and Lab practical exams were always a problem since you had to do the things exactly right to score, it was so unlike theory exams where you could weave stories and quote stupid irrelevant examples.


So then one fine day, I got an invite on my IM, from the same Devils eyes ID. I accepted it and said a hi. The response I get it  “ Some people chicken out since they hate to lose “… I was like,, what the hell… And we started swearing at each other… Then I swore in Malayalam thinking the person would not know it. And there it was a response to my swear in Malayalam with another Malayalam swear lol…..

I apologized and told the user , sorry sir… Then the reply came back saying it is not sir and its Madam.. I was like wow, stop playing a fool because I knew yahoo had a lot of people who were guys pretending to be girls.. But then we spoke for a couple of days and then lost touch again because of my second term exams…


The next time I logged into yahoo, I saw a lot of funny offline message from that user. So We spoke during my summer break and had that argument about boy pretending to be a girl again…. So Devils eyes gave me the number and said call. .. So I called and indeed it was a girl… I just said hello, the other side said hello.. All I said was sorry and kept the phone down….


I was so stupefied, it was indeed a girl… Then She asked me for her number and I gave her.. We used to sms each other with funny forwards and used to message each other when too frustrated… That is when I learnt that her real name was Shipla Nair and that she was presently living in Nagaland. He dad was in armed forces and was stationed there…She had finished her graduation in Arts and was working as a dance teacher in a local school….


She used to confide a lot of things like, what she does. About her friends etc.. But I was not able to because, I am not a person who can easily open up. It took almost a year before I was quite comfortable in sharing things with her…


I finished my college and went home, I got a joining letter from the company for 27th December 2007. So I had like good 6 months before I can join. So I decided to go to Chennai with my friends and got a job in a company called William Hare.


Our conversation continued and we were good friends by then. She used to call me every day in the night for a couple of minutes.. I used to tease her saying how much money would she waste on STD calls and always told her that her dad must have some money tree in-house. For that she used to LAUGH…


While one of the conversations, we both realized, we have become good friends who could talk to each other on any topic but still have not seen each other . Those days Orkut was a huge hit. So we sent each other invites . SO it was the first time I saw her.. She looked like a typical mallu girl.. Wheaties, long hair, dimple in cheeks etc. …


The next day , I woke up and logged into my account, I saw notification of around 100. I was amazed , what was happening. When I clicked on it, I came to realize she had commented on every darn pic of mine … lol… Not decent comments but full of leg pulling ones.


Then one day, I got a message from her saying she wants to meet up . I was like are you kidding me, I cannot travel to Nagaland for it…

She was like, no you don’t have to .. I am stopping in Chennai Egmore station for a day .. So we met up before I could go for my work…. It was different because over the phone we had a million things to say and used to teach each other… When we met for the first 30 minutes. All we did we smile at each other and sip coffee…. Ahahahaha …


Then she sent me a sms while sitting in front me, that stated “ Vivek I did not know you were goonga” , reading it we started laughing… and then started speaking and had dinner and then said our good byes.


She was on her way to kerala, a placed called Kannur, since her grandmother had passed away…


Around my birthday, she had called to wish me.. that day she told me that she likes me… I thanked her for her wishes and told her that she is having this feeling just because we were speaking often almost daily for the last year or so…..


For this she replied , that she has given it a lot of thought and this is what she decided…. I told her take your time and think, this might just be a fad…


The week after that I got a call from Someone called Sandhya. Then I came to know she was shilpa’s cousin. She told me that Shilpa could not contact me for few days because she was hospitalized due to some problem and that she wants to speak to me and will call me in an hour so keep my phone turned on.


I felt sad , since she was hospitalized, you should know how it feels when a dear friend is hospitalized. So I took a train to Kannur to go meet her. Went in the hospital and asked for her name. They directed me to the ICU. I was a bit worried because I thought she was in a normal room cause she told me she was admitted cause of malaria.

There were people sitting outside her room. So I went to them and told them I am here to meet Shilpa and introduced my self and told my name. As soon as they heard my name, they said “ O you are The Vivek”. That put me at an uncomfortable position. Since they knew me and I dint know anyone , and secondly I dint know what they knew about me…


The let me in the room, and I went in, Shilpa was lying in bed talking to another girl. As I went In, I said a hi. The girl shilpa was talking to moved aside and shilpa saw me.. Shilpa was surprised said “ vivek , why did you come here. You never told me you are coming and her eyes welled up.. For that I said “ Hey that’s what friends do right , look out for each other”… Shilpa introduced me to the girl and said she was sandhya , her cousin.. . I said a hi to her and thanked her to letting me know where she was hospitalized. Shilpa then scolded her saying , why did she have to tell me where she was admitted….Then she asked sandhya to leave and told her she needed few moments with me in private…


I sat down next to her.. It was the first time, I was seeing her in this condition. The last time I saw her , she was all smiling and larger than life type attitude…. So I sat next to her , and this time, I looked at her closely. Something was different, I was seeing a totally different her, her pale face showing signs of weakness. Her eyes welled up seeing me… I asked her what was going on, she said that she never wanted for me to see her this way. I was like don’t worry. And we spoke about all the stupid conversations we had … She started to smile , I guess it did pain her to even smile since she was feeling so weak. We spoke for almost an hour. She told me every small things that she used to do as a kid, she told me her secrets , she told me how I make her feel. I was just listening to her, and looking at her… When I asked her why she was admitted in ICU for a simple malaria, she just ignore by saying she does not want to talk about it….


It was time for me to leave, to get my train back to Chennai. I bid farewell and asked her to get well soon and leave….As I embarked the journey back home, something felt different. I did not feel good about letting her alone behind. Guess when you meet a person and you know that they love you and they say it with all their heart, it changes things… I started to like her back as well I think.



On my way back , in train. I got a call from Sandhya.. She was crying and told me thank you. I was like what is this thank you for. And then she told me that Shilpa was admitted for a week and was getting very weak. She would not smile and was always mum. Today was the first time she spoke to someone so long and not just few words and today was the first time they saw her smile and having the confidence and need to recover fast.


I was speechless hearing this. My eyes welled up.. All I said was , I am glad I could help.


Then two weeks later, she was discharged and gave me a call. She again said those words and this time I did not argue. She was like, why are you not scolding me today. I said no. She was like wow that is a change , should I consider it good or bad. I said I don’t know, am confused … But I need to know everything about her to have this confusion go away.



She told me she Is leaving for Nagaland next week and will break her journey in Chennai. So we decided to meet up. This time it was different, we had a lot of topic to speak about. She told me the entire story about how she was a kid and the heart condition that she had , doctors predicted that she would not live more than 16 years . And now she was 20 and that they were wrong and how she has met many guys and have been friends and how I seem to be the one she likes .


So after hearing all this ,we both agreed to give this a chance. It was working out great. Her health was good and no signs of problems. She even told her parents her dreams of getting married to me. They were ok with everything. But her dad spoke to me one day, telling me If I understand that this is not going to be a normal relationship, because of his daughters condition and he wanted to be clear that I should know the facts before taking it forward. I told him I do understand the implications of this. So everything went fine, It was from 2007 till end of 2009. She was with me even when finished enginering, I quit my job, took up my MBA. 

We were like the best people , may be it is because I knew her as a friend first before falling into this. She could understand what is my mood or mindset as soon as I picked up the phone and said a hi. She knew me inside out. I knew her well too, but never understood why I could not understand or know her as She knew me. She was a good friend, a good lover , a good mom ….lol… Many a times I felt she is my mom, they way she used to scold me and teach me…. It was 5 years of relationship during which we had met each other only 5 times because of the distance. The best part was that when ever we used to meet, her parents were happy. So after 5 years, I told her that I am going to talk to my parents about her and going to get both parents to talk. I remember that date still, it was 25 november 2009.  She was happy but she said these words to me that I still remember “ Vivek, I do not know what future holds for us, I don’t know how long I will be there in this world, but all I can say is that you are the only boy in my life and no one can love you like I do”….


For this I laughed and said she is doing fine and asked her to stop these senti dialogues…. But nothing was same after that day…


She did not call me for two days, her phone was switched off. I called her home up and no one picked up. I called up sandhya at her work, because she used to work at G Tech Kannur. She told me that Shilpa was hospitalized again.


After two days, she called me and said, she just had a cold and low BP. And we talked normally that day. They next day, while talking she asked me if I have any cute girls in my company, and I said yes. She asked me the names and I told her. Then all of a sudden she said you always see other girls and started fighting. Fighting for no reason.


Then she switched off the phone for a day. Then she picked up again and we started having constant fights for small things. Every time she picked up a small topic and argued even though I agreed to what she said. If was like she was arguing for the sake of it. It like she wanted to end things..


I still remember the day, it was Christmas eve 24th dec 2009, we spoke and she said this “ vivek, I don’t think this is working out, you need to leave my life now”,… I was devastated to hear this. I asked her , why but she never gave me a reason. All she said was if you love me do not ask me the reason. I asked her why is she doing this, and what about the promises that she made of me being the only guy in her life. For that she replied, she knows how to keep promises. ..


She switched off her phone for that day. I kept calling her at least two to three times but phone was off. I dropped her a message and kept the delivery report on , so that I can know in case the message gets delivered . But never got the delivery report.


I tried reaching out to Sandhya, she was not giving me any information at all. All she kept saying was, in case I love her, I need to respect her decision. Then on 28th January 2010, I got a call from Sandhya crying, saying Shilpa was admitted to hospital and is very serious . I asked her when she was admitted, but sandhya told me that Shilpa had made her promise not to let me know the location as I would not be able to see her in this state. I said I will pray for her. I still remember, going to the church near Wallstreet and lighting a candle every day for her health.





I did not hear any news again, I called her office to get her number. Her office people knew me as well. They gave me the number as soon as they knew it was vivek. I called Sandhya , she cut the call and said she will get back to me. I still remember the date, 18th January 2:00 am, I got a call from Sandhya , letting me know that Shilpa is no more. I was shocked. I did not know what to do. I threw my phone hard so that it breaks. I could not talk to friends, I could not eat. I did not know what is it. I locked my self up for the entire day in the house and then composed myself. I had to get a new phone so that I could contact Sandhya.


Then I called her up and Sandhya told me the whole thing. She said the fights were because shilpa knew this was coming and wanted me away from her and wanted me to hate her. That is the reason she was doing all this. When she realized I cannot hate her, she stopped speaking to me cause she could not herself do it.


Hearing sandhya say all this, I was crying, It was so hard to breathe. The thing that broke me down the most was the following words.


Vivek her last words were “I wanna see Vivek, and ask him for forgiveness cause I made him feel I don’t want him. But I am happy that I kept my word, of being able to make sure he is the only guy in my life that I Love till I am alive and that no one can love him like I do”……


After hearing this , I felt I am just a living dead. And I kept the phone.


Sandhya spoke to her every day for a month after that, trying me make me understand , this is not what Shilpa would have wanted to for me and that I should live my life and work towards my career. Since I always used to discuss with Shipla what and where I wanted to make the career in. And also find someone in my life


I started to realize, that I need to do what she wanted me to achieve in career, but was never agreeing to what she said of finding someone. I locked my feelings in my heart and started working hard. And not feeling for any girl or being attracted was pretty easy. After Shilpa no one seemed very special to me. And other point was that I was scared, that If I come close the anyone, I would lose them as well. But since finding anyone attractive itself was difficult, it was pretty easy to just focus .



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